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01

Sep

the-best-of-funny:

x

21

Sep

#FIFA13 GIFs: Balotelli flex, Crouch robot, Cisse-Ba bow, Prince moonwalk

01

Sep

uprising of the millennia. REPENT!!!

uprising of the millennia. REPENT!!!

Using a Phone in class!

Using a Phone in class!

30

Aug

collection of rib cracking jokes. @laughoryawn for park well!!

A WOMAN’S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all !


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’ The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’ The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’


After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counsellor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. ‘What seems to be the problem?’
Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat speechless. The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, ‘Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!’
The husband scratched his head and replied, ‘I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.’


Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me, ‘What’s on the TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’


A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
‘I can’t stand it anymore,’ she told him. ‘Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing’.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. ‘Go to the road and get help,’ he said. ‘I don’t have anything to cover myself with!’ she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. ‘You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,’ he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. ‘My boyfriend! My boyfriend!’ she sobs, ‘He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!’
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, ‘Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!’


Its 2012, an elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. ‘Of course, my son,’ said the priest.
‘Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.’ ‘That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,’ said the priest. ‘It’s worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,’ continued the old man. ‘Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,’ said the priest.
‘Thanks, Father,’ said the old man. ‘That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?’ ‘Of course, my son,’ said the priest. The old man asked, ‘Do I need to tell her that the war is over?’


It’s two o’clock in the aafternoon and a husband and wife are having a nap, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says,
‘Hello?… How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?’ — and prompty slams the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, ‘Who was that?’ The husband replies. ‘I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.’


One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, ‘Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, ‘Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.’ ‘Susan is actually your half sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.’
George was brokenhearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, ‘Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.’
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. ‘Diane is your half sister too, George. ‘I’m awfully sorry about this.’
George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. ‘Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,’ he complained. ‘Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister.’
‘Hee hee,’ his mother chuckled, shaking her head, ‘Don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really your father.’

24

Aug

#JOKES #laughoryawn

A husband and wife decided they needed to use ‘code’ to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, ‘Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter’.
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, ‘Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.’ The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, ‘Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.’
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, ‘Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.’

#JOKES #laughoryawn

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
‘I can’t stand it anymore,’ she told him. ‘Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing’.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. ‘Go to the road and get help,’ he said. ‘I don’t have anything to cover myself with!’ she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. ‘You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,’ he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. ‘My boyfriend! My boyfriend!’ she sobs, ‘He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!’
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, ‘Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!

#JOKES #laughoryawn

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room.
As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, ‘Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don’t fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you.’
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: ‘Dear, I’m so relieved you feel that way. You’re right, he hasn’t seen a woman in years, but he wasn’t kissing my neck….He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you’re really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too.’

#JOKES #laughoryawn

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man: ‘At your age, how do you do that?’
The man answered: ‘You just have to keep the motor running’.
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurse said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?’.
He said: ‘I told you that you just have to keep the motor running’. Another year and back to the hospital for another baby. The same nurse said: ‘You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!’.
He said: ‘You got to keep the motor running’.
She answered: ‘Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black’.

05

Aug

http://pic.twitter.com/rCE0u1nh

03

Aug

Convo Between Adam and God

Adam: God, why did you make women so beautiful?
God: So that you would find them attractive.
Adam: Okay. God, but why did you have to make them so stupid?
God: So that they would find you attractive.
God finds Adam. In the. Garden:
God: Where’s Eve?
Adam: She started bleeding, so she went down by the stream to wash.
God: Oh no! We have to stop her!
Adam: Why?
God: Because I’ll never get the smell out of the fish!

31

Jul

mykneeking:

So now I’m basically an Instagram rookie.

Is this YOU???

mykneeking:

So now I’m basically an Instagram rookie.

Is this YOU???

29

Jul

Salsa. Practice

28

Jul

“When The Lion invites you to dinner, you don’t ask questions”!
Sam Loco Efe
WO KUM APEM A, APEM BEBA

WO KUM APEM A, APEM BEBA